I’m sure you’ve heard of secondary infertility, which is the inability to conceive after birthing other biological children. I wanted to share something new called, second hand infertility.
Second hand infertility is defined by parents seeing you struggle with infertility, while they wait to become grandparents themselves. They get to see their own friends neighbors, co-workers, etc. become grandparents, and in turn they grieve the loss of getting to be grandparents themselves.
Your parents are unable to do anything to help aside from praying and sometimes offering financial assistance. They, like us, are silently grieving and wishing and praying that they get to become grandparents.
Here’s how it has affected us
Chase and I are the oldest on either side of our families, and we both come from very small families. I have a brother and sister that are significantly younger than me, and Chase has a brother who is not much younger but didn’t get married until his late 20’s.
Both of our parents struggled to get pregnant at some point. Chase’s parents had several miscarriages before they figured out the cause (low progesterone) and were able to finally stay pregnant with him and his brother. My parents struggled with secondary infertility after having me, and had several miscarriages in between me and my sister.
So our parents can somewhat relate to our struggle with infertility, because they themselves struggled.
When we first started trying we were quiet the first couple of years because, like most couples, we thought we would get pregnant quickly. When it didn’t happen after 2 years, we eventually told our family that we were struggling.
Around the time we told our parents, they started seeing their friends’ kids become pregnant. They started feeling discouraged and saddened when they would see pregnancy announcements, and getting invited to baby showers. At first they were happy for their friends, but then they started grieving and praying that they would eventually get to become grandparents.
Though I can’t say it was easy for us to watch them grieve while we dealt with infertility. But I think they realized how big of a blessing grand babies are after all the struggles.
Do you know anyone that has struggled with second hand infertility?
P.S. Are you needing help paying for IVF? Sign up for my newsletter and get my free printable on “10 ways to pay for IVF.”
P.P.S. Read about some low impact exercises you can do during IUI and IVF.
P.P.P.S. Check out this post on how infertility still affects us even after beating infertility.
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