This post pregnant or not, life will move forward was written on my personal blog October 26, 2010. It has been updated 6/3/2024.
I have been debating on whether to write this on our blog or not. I have felt like no one can relate to me or even wants to listen to how I feel, like my feelings don’t mean anything and that only theirs is whats important. Which actually happened to me a few weeks ago regarding this topic (story for a different time). I know I should be thinking there are people besides my therapist, and Chase, that want to listen to me.
This might get a little personal.
Please understand that I’m not trying to complain, but I honestly think people other than my family need to know… So here goes.
Chase and I got insurance in November 2009. I set up an appointment to talk with the midwife about the anti-depressants I was on, and how that could effect us getting pregnant. She assured me that as soon as I found out I was pregnant I should taper off of the medicine, and that if I needed to be back on, I could probably get back on it in the 2nd or 3rd trimester.
I thought, “sweet, Chase and I can start trying to have a baby”. We thought it would be cool to do the “if it happens, it happens”, and thought we’d get pregnant really fast.
A few months later (6 months, to be exact), we still weren’t pregnant.
Some crappy stuff happened to Chase and I. My doctor recommended that we stop trying to have kids. I think I cried for a few days after that. Mainly because my doctor told me no, and felt like the whole world, and my body, was also telling me no.
Since then, Chase and I are a lot better, and have actually been “trying” for the past couple months.
No, I’m not pregnant, and don’t think we will get pregnant any time soon.
I’m not trying to be negative or think negatively, but since we’ve been married, I’ve always had this feeling that it will take us a long time to get pregnant. I’ll be honest, it’s completely heartbreaking to even think about. It brings tears to my eyes every time I think about not being able to have children, like a lot of my friends.
I haven’t been told that I’m infertile, and maybe it will eventually happen. I have tried so hard to be strong and withstand people asking…even if they are joking… “when will we be starting a family?”. Chase and I want to start a family, and would love to be able to be pregnant, but it hasn’t happened yet. Hence, pregnant or not life will move forward.
-Tedi
P.S. Read our timeline here.
P.S.S. Check out my Etsy shop where I have lots of infertility related tees and socks.
