Mental health problems are real, and they can affect even the best marriage. Because mental health issues aren’t the norm to talk about I chose to not talk to anyone about what happened in mine and Chase’s marriage.
I was ashamed for how bad my mental health got, and I don’t want anyone to ever feel ashamed for their mental health state.
2012 was a horrible year for Chase and I. During that year, Chase and I fought a lot. I was angry and uptight all the time, and unfortunately I took it out on Chase.
At this point we’d been struggling to have children for 3 years. Chase and I have never used the “D word” (divorce), and we told each other we never would. And I hate to admit that it was brought up a few times that year.
I didn’t know how to cope with the emotions that I was feeling with infertility, and I even denied that it was actually infertility.
Chase encouraged me to see a doctor to help with anger and depression issues.
My doctor first wanted to put me on bipolar medicine. I tried it for a few days, and was ridiculously drowsy. And I hated it. I hated being subjected to medication so I stopped taking it.
We didn’t have insurance, so I went to LDS Family Services and met with a masters student. I met with her for several months, and I learned to do a few written exercises to help recognize the anger and depression I was feeling.
After a few months she wanted Chase to come with me. We were going to discuss our marriage, and try and work out our differences. Chase of course was reluctant, but I somehow convinced him.
I think a lot of men are reluctant to see a therapist because they feel they aren’t the ones causing the issue. But in a marriage, it’s a joint effort.
So things were getting better after a few months, but things between Chase and I still weren’t back to normal.
Chase left on a business trip just after Thanksgiving. When he came home he distanced himself to me. I walked on eggshells for about a month. I was trying to make an effort, because I refused to let our marriage end in divorce.
I’m not sure what happened during the month of December. By New Years Eve there was a turning point for our relationship, and that’s when things started getting better between us.
Here’s 4 things that may help you with your marriage and infertility:
- If you are feeling frustrated or angry towards with infertility. Please, please, please seek a therapist. They can give you the tools needed to help make a change.
- There are lots of couples struggling with infertility and it can put a strain on marriage. Check out my post on Keeping the Spark alive during infertility to get some ideas on how to enjoy marriage during infertility.
- You aren’t alone in suffering depression, anxiety, or anger in relation to infertility. Going through something so traumatic can put a damper on all of your relationships (friends, spouse, parents, etc).
- If you are struggling in your marriage, please remember to not blame the other person. Using words like YOU and WHY puts people on the defense.
I’m also going to leave you with a few books I recommend (I’m not an affiliate for them, they are just my favorite):
- Feeling Good by David D. Burns
- The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- I Don’t Have to Make Everything all Better by Gary and Joy Lundberg
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