Helping your infertile friend on Mother’s Day

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been going to church on Mother’s Day. After the meeting they would hand a treat out to anyone who was 18 or older. When I was 18, I, of course didn’t feel qualified since I wasn’t a mom, and I wasn’t married yet. It wasn’t until we came out about infertility that it started stinging more and more with each Mother’s Day.

Last year I was pregnant with Kason, and I felt like I still wasn’t technically a mom yet. This year will be my first official “Mother’s Day,” and I’m not sure how to react to it. I have a hatred towards Mother’s Day like I do for my birthday–I don’t care to be celebrated. I would rather be celebrated all year round instead of just on one day. Why should this day be any different? Most of those in the infertility community also hate these days that seem to remind us of something we desperately want, but can’t seem to get.

You need to understand first how those going through infertility feel on Mother’s Day:

• They feel inadequate and not good enough to be called “Mom”.
• They feel left out, because their reproductive organs aren’t working how normal fertile girls’ works.
• There’s no happy day to celebrate the babies who are now in heaven watching over us, because losing a baby doesn’t make anyone happy.
• They feel it’s just another reminder of what everyone else seems to have and what they themselves can’t have.

I wished my friends would’ve acknowledge me on Mother’s Day. I longed for a friend to get what I was going through and to say “I love you and you’re going to be the best Mom.” To be honest I think they just didn’t know what to say to me, and because they chose not to say anything I sat wondering if my friends even cared about me.

After much thought and prayer, I’ve written a few things that you can do for friends that are still going through infertility on Mother’s Day.

How to celebrate your infertile friend on Mother’s Day:

• The Sunday before Mother’s Day is National Infertility Survival Day. Celebrate your friend by sending her love and appreciation on that day.
• On Mother’s Day, reach out to her and tell her that she is going to be an amazing mother. And if she’s had previous miscarriages, then remind her that she’s an amazing mother to her precious angel babies.
• Send a card or a letter in the mail reminding her of her greatness in God’s plan.
• Call her and be a listening ear, or go over to her house and be there for her, or both.
• If nothing else, please acknowledge her and tell her that she is loved and important to you that is far better than leaving her alone with silence.

And another reminder that sometimes you may have good intentions but somehow say the wrong things. You can read my post on what to say to someone going through infertility to get a better idea on things you should say.

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