So often hindsight gives us more clarity and there are things we wished we could change, but we can’t always change our circumstances. Here’s a bit about what’s been going on with us.
So at the beginning of March we got an email from our clinical trial nurse, sharing details about an infertility seminar the clinic was putting on. I ended up going late, and was able to talk to one of the nurses there.
I asked about Chase’s semen analysis (SA), because the first 2 were so low and didn’t understand why it had jumped to normal levels. The nurse said we probably have the actual medicine and we should start trying like crazy. She reminded me that we need to try every other day and at that point I was at day 7 in my cycle.
I started using ovulation predictor test strips on day 11 of my cycle because I typically ovulate around day 17. It got to the point where I was taking daily pictures, of the strips, so I could determine if the line had gotten darker.
Am I really that weird? why yes! When you’re trying to get pregnant and have been struggling to get pregnant, you sometimes do weird things.
I started cramping the day after ovulation and I thought Great! Could this be implantation cramping?It turns out that implantation doesn’t occur until several days after ovulation – that’s if the sperm and the egg actually get together.
Well I started cramping on and off for about 5-6 days after I ovulated. My period usually comes around day 24-25, and the following day I started spotting. I knew I wasn’t pregnant. Chase was still hopeful that we were pregnant. And sure enough, we are definitely not pregnant.
With that said: I am heartbroken, I am numb, and I can’t cry. I feel all alone! No one knew we were trying this cycle.
I felt like the world was silently moving forward while I wondered what happened, and feeling so alone without a friend to share my pain.
I felt like I needed to message a friend, and briefly told her what happened, trusting her with my feelings. I’m going to share what she said because what she said was 100% what I needed.
She told me that there wasn’t anything she could say that could ease my pain. She reminded me that I needed to rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. She also gave me a song to listen to, which I will share because it is just so beautiful: https://youtu.be/duXqWVCDJuk?si=Dcmb8DvPeLlGz8v-
Since then, I have been praying more, and trying to feel the love of the Savior. That’s all that I can do to help me feel again.
Yes, I am still in pain, but I don’t feel so alone, and I felt strong enough that I could share my story, because I can’t be silent about my pain anymore!
With all that said, we have one more Semen Analysis coming up and are hoping the levels are still normal. Yes, his levels showed normal and we tried one month, however, the average fertile couple has a 22% chance of getting pregnant each month. That means there’s still a possibility we could get pregnant within the next 4 months.
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