I’m first going to give you a brief overview on my own miscarriages, and if you scroll down past that, you’ll be able to read some ways on how to deal with miscarriage and loss.
First Miscarriage and Loss
When we did our first IVF cycle (in 2016) we transferred 2 embryos. To Chase and I, they were the hopeful start of growing our family.
When I look back on that time, I haven’t been able to understand if I really was pregnant with those two embryos or not. We were told anything higher than 5 mIU/mL of hCG means you’re pregnant, and the blood tests showed I was pregnant.
I was sick from all the progesterone, like I was pregnant. My butt was sore from all the PIO shots, and I was terrified that I would lose both embryos we transferred.
And about 2-3 weeks after our embryo transfer, I miscarried. My beta hCG numbers never got higher than 132 mIU/mL, and dropped a few days after.
The one thing is that I never processed the pregnancy and miscarriage of those 2 beautiful embryos. Part of me thinks it’s because I never believed I was pregnant. The numbers said I was pregnant but I didn’t feel pregnant, I just felt sick. And because of that, I unfortunately don’t feel like I have kids (aside from Ethan) in heaven, if that makes sense?
Fast forward to a few months later, and our 2nd IVF cycle failed outright. There are some that would call this a miscarriage or a chemical pregnancy. I do not and have never thought of it as a miscarriage for whatever reason. The way I think of it is that I didn’t even get pregnant even though we had transferred 2 embryos on a day 3 transfer.
First Stillbirth Second Loss
In 2020 our son, Ethan, was stillborn at 40 weeks gestation after a pretty great pregnancy. You can read all about his story here.
Third Miscarriage and Loss
January of 2024 I found out I was pregnant. Currently, I wasn’t meeting with any fertility doctors, but we were trying to get pregnant. When I got the positive test I notified my fertility doctor, and they started doing blood tests and put me on progesterone and DHEA for estrogen to help prevent a miscarriage.
Since I was having my blood tested I could see when the numbers doubled, and they got to 387 IU/L hCG and then 4 days later they dropped to 122 IU/L. I was pregnant on my birthday, and then 2 weeks later I had a miscarriage and of course the same day my neighbor had her baby.
Lets be real; no, we never want loss to happen to us or to anyone, but when it does happen, we need to feel all the feels.
Some ideas have come to mind on how to deal with miscarriages and loss:
Journaling can be so helpful in being able to write down how you feel. Writing about the good and the bad are really helpful. Letting all the emotions out while also remembering those wonderful days you had with those embryos or baby.
Write a letter to them expressing how you are feeling and the things you were hoping for with having them in your life.
Get some flowers and do a flower release in a river as a way to remember the babies you’ve lost.
Plant a flower, shrub or even a tree, to remember them.
Create a memorial box and you can include ultrasound photos, pregnancy test strips, write down foods you were craving, or were avoiding during your pregnancy. Anything to help remember them.
Buy a painting or something to remember the time you had with them.
Decorate a tree in the front yard during the holiday season.
Getting into a support group to talk to other moms about your loss. Every story is different and we all have something to give one another.
What are things that you’ve done or used to help deal with a miscarriage or loss?
P.S. check out my timeline if you’re curious where these losses falls into my story.
